We tried everything. We bribed him with candy. We bribed him with television and movies. I once said to him, "If you start pooping in the potty, I will give you anything in the world that you want."
He thought it over and said, "Even a piece of chocolate, Daddy?"
"Yes, sonny. Even chocolate."
I tried getting angry with him. I tried getting sad about it. Towards the end, he was running away from us to go into his room, where he would shut the door and go in his pants. So clearly, we were dealing with a choice he was making. He could control it, he was just choosing to control it into his diaper.
My parents often tell the story of my potty training, which everyone reminds me took place between the ages of 3 and 8, where I was asked why I kept pooping in my pants.
"Because it's the only thing no one can stop me from doing."
Like a few other undesirable traits that run in our family, I was determined to break the cycle. Left with few options, I decided to make a deal that turned out to be a really successful piece of parenting. Poop in pants = 1 book, No poop at all = 2 books, Poop in potty = 3 books. Taking away a child's access to reading materials feels a little twisted, but it damnit, it worked. Along with that time I left my cell phone on my car, drove off, realized it 3 hours later, went back and found it lying against the curb, this is one of the proudest achievements of my life.
Just a few days ago, he decided that he was done with pullups at night and we've been going all undies all the time lately. Hopefully we'll be able to get Jackie on board any day now as well.
Jack is doing great. I don't know if it's a cleft kid thing or just Jackie, but his tongue hangs out of his mouth like there's a weight tied to it lately. He can sit up. He can roll over. Sometimes he can roll back. He's doing so much better on his tummy and he's scooting and crawling in reverse. We hope forward is coming soon. He's drinking from a cup and eating pureed foods and he's easily the happiest baby I've ever been around. All he does is smile and giggle and sit back and watch us all. I imagine he thinks we're all pretty ridiculous.
Jack loves Thomas more than anyone has ever loved anyone... who is constantly trying to tackle them. He watches him like the hawk that circles our backyard, always looking to see what he'll do next. Will he headbutt me? Will he steal my toy? Will he scream BID BID BID in my ear. The options are seemingly endless, but Tom loves Jack so much that he seems compelled to just squeeze him at every opportunity.
They're happy boys and they keep us happy.
Other quick notes from the last few months...
I was given the opportunity to take a partially funded yet fully permanent sabbatical from work. It lasted a whopping 3 months and I finally found a new job last week. It was exactly enough time to be home with Jackie to see him recover from his last surgery and get back into a routine, which seems almost purposeful.
Our routine that was upset greatly when out of the blue, our babysitter told us to kick rocks after 3 years of spending every day with our kids. It was a sad and weird thing to go through, but looking back, I realize I was really lucky to get to spend so much time with my boys.
Jack gets roughly 41% of the attention that Thomas got from us. At this rate, our next kid will have to essentially raise itself, so if anybody has an Easy Bake Oven we can borrow, that would be swell.
Favorite Tommy quotes:
"I'm the boss of myself and I'm not going to listen to anything you say."
"Nope, I can't and I don't want to, and I wont."
"If you tell me that, I'll be very angry with you."
"When I was a baby, I didn't have a cleft lip. But Jackie has a cleft lip because everybody's different."
"Yeah, you never know how life is gonna be."
"How bout something in the cabinet?"
The cabinet is where we keep the candy and honestly, each day that goes by I think more and more about setting fire to it. I know he can't have dairy or nuts which limit many of his treat options, but as a 3 year old, I'm convinced his blood is more Skittles and Starburst than anything else by now. Jack's favorite food is paper (receipts, Kleenex, pages of books) so maybe he'll be the healthy snacker in the family.
We also shared this exchange in the shower recently:
Tom: Dad are those your balls?
Me: Uh, what? Where did you learn that word?
Tom: Are they? Are they your penis balls?
Me: Uhhh, yes. Yes they are my penis balls.
Tom: Dad, what if you had my penis and I had your penis?
Me: Well, I think that would be pretty weird for both of us.
It's been an incredible 3 months. I have a new found respect and real sense of awe at people take care of their kids... All day. Every day. I love these boys, but cooking every meal and changing every diaper, and bearing witness to every pee and poop and talking about Star Wars for 2 solid hours and being hit in the back with a stick when I'm not watching, and crashed into with a bicycle, and getting bashed about the head all the time, and all the constant cleaning and the bargaining... God the bargaining. I really don't know how people do it. But I honestly wouldn't trade it. How many guys get to be with their boys when they're 3 and 1 for a season and get to make all the laughs and memories that we've had with each other?
Life is funny sometimes and you never know how it's gonna be.
