Garbage Can Karma

Karen introduced the concept of Karma to Thomas earlier this year. When Tom misbehaves or is unkind to his brother and then shortly thereafter is the recipient of a dropped Popsicle or a stubbed toe, Karen simply says, "Karma" and Tom juts out his jaw and rolls his eyes.

Over the summer when Karen was rushing to get the boys out the door on time, she used her loud Mommy voice to get everybody moving and it hurt Tom's feelings.

Tom: You're being a bad girl, Mommy!
Karen: Thomas get in the car, right now!
Tom: You are mean!

So everyone climbs in the car and Karen (technically a licensed driver) takes off in reverse down the driveway. Just as she gets to the street she hears a huge crash and (for the first time in that trip perhaps) takes a look in her rear-view mirror to see that she has barreled over our trashcan full of 272 pounds of drywall and debris. Her car is dented. There is a huge mess in the road. She hustles out of the car to clean up the spill, somehow hoist the garbage can back up and jumps back in the car...

Tom: Karma.

All in all, our Karma has been pretty good this year.




















The year really started in the spring for us. Winter didn't bring much snow so sledding and snowmen were infrequent. We didn't travel anywhere and as is often the case in Illinois we all count the days until March when the world comes back to life. But once that sun came back out, it occurred to us that not enough of it was finding it's way into our kitchen. Thus began a renovation journey that was a lot less "Would you describe this light fixture as TIMELESS???" and more "Did you take the goddamned TAPE MEASURE? I just had it!". Venture back with me as I walk you through our un-aired HGTV episode...

Our new/old house was built in 1972. That's the same year that Grampa Greg and Gramma Tracye were married and apparently the thing to do in kitchens was hide everything in a soffit. A soffit is a a tunnel you hang from your ceiling where you hide all of the most troublesome and vital pipes that are the wonder of indoor plumbing. Also found in soffits: decrepit beehives, Nixon Era Pepsi cans, and negative four thousand dollars.





















We ripped out the soffit, we ripped out a wall, we ripped out all the cabinets and venting and elements of bygone construction. And in it's place we built a really beautiful and functional and open kitchen for a family that cooks six nights a week and occasionally has footraces around the first floor (where the newfound open-ness really comes into play). We also ripped out those pesky 1972 windows that let in little light and a shocking amount of pests and replaced them with modernized versions that allow us to enjoy the forest behind us and often the deer that travel through it. We put in French Doors that we intend to lead to a screened in patio. We really did a tremendous amount of work in a pretty short amount of time. Grampa Kenny knows how to do just about anything on/in/around/to a house that you could ask for in a working partner. He calls it "figuring"... "Be quiet, I'm figuring over here," he'll say as we're putting together a plan before heading out on our 4th Home Depot run of the morning. We had a neighborhood housewarming party after everything was finished and the majority of our neighbors asked us how we picked our contractor. I said, I guess I picked him 20 years ago when I met my wife. We're all pretty lucky to have Grampa Kenny. Also, he's mastered the trademan's buttcrack.

I'm so happy with how it came out and so glad that we did it ourselves and every couple of days I appreciate all the planning and work that went into this project. I don't know if I'd do it again. Ask me some time.

While the renovation was definitely the most consuming event of the year, we had some other happenings...

We had a wonderful and likely final vacation at Brucey Beach. We got to the beach at noon on Saturday. Bruce and the girls were all there and were terrific hosts as always, but this vacation included a new family member... Mojo. Mojo is a black lab that loves to play catch, enjoys sleeping on the deck, and stole the heart of a 5 year old boy. There have been many stories about boys and dogs in this family, but I think this unique tale will always hold a special place in my heart. Tom is usually so allergic to dogs and rightfully hesitant around them, and when we got to the beach house he was (temporarily/permanently?) cured and spent the vast majority of his time sitting next to Mojo outside or throwing the ball with him for hours on end. Mojo is such a kind dog that by the end of the weekend, Jack who spent the our time squealing and scurrying away from him, was able to walk over and put his hand on his back for a moment "Daddy I touch Mojo!"

When we woke up on Tuesday morning and started packing our bags, Tom got pretty quiet. Before we got in our car to leave, a sobbing Thomas threw himself on Mojo and begged us not to leave. Even noted anti-dog lobbyist Karen was crying. The timing continues to be wrong, but I hope we can find a day where adding a dog to the family is something everyone sees as a good idea. Either way, I hope Tom always remembers his weekend with Mojo.

We had a huge party for Jack's 3rd birthday at this house. Family came from all over to celebrate our big boy turning 3 and it was so much fun. Karen rented a Mickey Mouse Bouncey House and set up a painting station, and carved Mickey Mouse shaped fruit, and all of Jack's friends came over and the house was a wild rumpus for a couple hours. It was so great to have the all of our Ohio Family make the trip and get to meet Jack and shower him with gifts and attention. We hope to repay the favor soon with minivan excursion through exotic Ohio.





















Poor Jackie is a classic 2nd child in that he get's considerably less of everything compared to Thomas at the same age. We have so many fewer pictures, videos, finger paintings and Lord knows words in this long-form essay about Jack thank we do Tom, but it's out of sheer exhaustion and not a lack of love. Jack had a great year too. His language continues to improve and he tries to do all of the physical things his older brother can do to a varying degree of success. He refuses to eat, which worries me as he is now exactly as tall as he is heavy. But he loves reading, he loves tell stories and he loves loves loves to laugh. Jack leans heavily toward the emotional side of the personality spectrum and he will come up and give you a hug and 3 kissies and tell you he loves you but if you sternly tell him not to stick his hand into a fire he will look at you like you slammed his finger in the door. Jack moved up to the room that Tom vacated at Montessori and he's really starting to come into his own. He brings home art projects most days and tells me long stories about playing with his friends at school. Everyone says hi to him when we walk in every morning and for as much as I worry that kids will be hard on him, his smile seems to win them over before I ever have a chance to tell them that they will never be heard from again if they do anything to hurt our bay-boo's feelings.





















We also got to visit the Harjer's at their new house in Michigan. They live  on 5 acres that is like 90 feet wide and 9 miles deep so we have another place to go if things take a turn for the worse, internationally. We're so excited to have them back in the Midwest and for the cousins to get to grow up together. Maybe we can talk them into getting the dog.

Thomas learned to ice skate and roller skate just in case he's transported back to 1987. Jack is 94% potty trained and really proud of it. He's also making a lot of practice on his balance bike and hopefully will be fully operational on it before Thanksgiving. Thomas has excelled at soccer and baseball and started Kindergarten earlier this fall. His first parent teacher conference in this week and I'm expecting her to tell us that he's got an A+ in reading an A- in math and a C+ in listening and following directions.

We've got good boys which I try to continually remind myself is all we can really ask for.

Enjoy their quotes:

Me: I'll help you get down.
Jack: I don't need help because I have legs.

Me: Since when did you start climbing that tree?
Tom: Since like twenty-sixteen.

Jack (eating a Junior Mint): Look, it's filled with Aquaphor!

Tom:You're like Dory, Mom. You were born with a lost memory.

Tom: Daddy, who was the woman who had stuff in her head and if you looked at her she froze you into stone?
Me: Uh, Medusa?
Tom: Yeah.... and who killed her, Pegasus?
Me: I don't know. What the heck is going on at your pre-school?
Tom: Let's ask your phone who killed her.
Me: Alright.

Jack: What letter is that Daddy?
Me: S.
Jack: What letter is that Daddy?
Me: I.
Jack: I? I? I love you Daddy.

Me: I haven't seen the deer in a long time. I wonder where they all went.
Tom: They're probably looking for mates.
Me: What's a mate?
Tom: Someone to be with.

Jack (from Fievel American Tale): There is NOOOOO Captain America!

Tom: Don't touch my ear.
Me: I made you, I can touch your ear if I want.
Tom: You didn't make me. Mommy made me. I hatched from her belly.

Tom (for the hundredth time): When are we going to be there?
Me: When Mommy and Daddy drive you there. Now sit back and enjoy the ride.
Tom: Well it's not a very fun ride.

Tom: Once I've tidied up my room I'll rule the world!

Me: Do you remember our old house, Jackie?
Jack: Uh uh.
Me: You don't remember it at all?
Jack: What continent it was on?
Me: It was on North America.
Jack: Okay Daddy.

One Year

It's been a hell of a year. Let's take a look at what I can only pray to God will end up as one of the most eventful 13 month stretches of this OConnor family's life together... (editor's note--it's really long)

December 2015
What probably felt like a tornado at the time in retrospect looks like a gentle breeze. Jack still wore bibs every day because his drooling was breaking county records. He was finishing his last month in at home daycare, where he would regularly fall asleep in the middle of playing with toys. Thomas got to go see Star Wars The Force Awakens, which was the first good Star Wars movie they made since 1983. He watched it without making a sound or moving a muscle. We spent Thanksgiving and Christmas in Springfield with both families. Both boys got spoiled rotten again in what is becoming a major package transportation conundrum. Even the Harjer's visited. At the Kuchar Christmas, there are 7 kids (Jahsa - 1, Julia - 2, Jack - 2, Will - 5, Thomas -5, Jared - 14, Austin - 15). At the OConnor Christmas, we only have 3 (Jack - 2, Thomas - 5, Michael - 29).

January 2016
Looks like it was a pretty quiet month. We took the kids to the Treehouse and Mall on consecutive weekends, which leads me to believe they were wild and it was too cold to go outside and Mom and Dad wanted to sit quietly for a while. If only we knew how that feeling would linger in the coming months.

February 2016
The Ellis' got a giant trampoline for Christmas. It was definitely Tom's first time on one and despite the fact that it was 42 degrees outside he jumped until his lips turned purple. A trampoline is like a pool table or a swimming pool or a fire hydrant... it's awesome when you're neighbors have one. Sorry boys. Also, in preparation for our upcoming Tahoe trip, Tom and I went "skiing" at a small ski hill 15 minutes outside of Glen Ellyn. I've never been to a place quite like it. It's maybe the size of 4 football fields side to side with enough elevation to make a ball roll down the hill, but no more. There are a couple of tow ropes that pull you up. You rent all your gear and head on up, ski down for 3.1 seconds and do it all over again. We had an awesome time. Bruce taught me to ski between his legs on a mountain in Vermont when I was 10 which makes this seem like a downgrade, but Tom was in store for a pretty incredible experience mere weeks away.

March 2016
We took our first family of 4 airplane vacation. 2 kids, 3 seats, I want to say 6 hours... and it was an experience. Tom was as outstanding, but that's easy to say when we basically forced him to watch two straight movies. Jack learned a lot about that airplane. We spent a lot of time in the aisles and the attendant area and the bathroom and undercarriage luggage area but we made it. We landed in Reno which hasn't been updated since the Reagan administration but perhaps that entry port is the reason that not everyone knows about Tahoe which might be the most beautiful place in the country. The first day we were there, we were on a beach and Thomas stripped down to his undies and jumped in a lake. The next day we we bundled up on top of an Olympic mountain. We took a boat tour of Lake Tahoe and hiked down a hill with hundred foot tall trees to a motionless, secluded beach with massive boulders that have been eroded down to the size of minivans. On our way out of town we killed some time in Reno and took the kids into a casino to introduce them to cigarette smoke and despair. We had an amazing time and are so thankful to the Harjer's for hosting us and while we're thrilled they're moving back to the Midwest, I hope this isn't our last visit to Tahoe.

Some special notes about the skiing... After our rigorous 3 hour training on the snow covered landfill pile in Illinois, we decided that gondola ride up to a 9,000 foot peak in the mountains of California would be a logical next step. The trash hill at home had a slope kind of like looking down your driveway. Getting ready to drop in at Squaw Valley with a 4 year old between your legs, was like that first look you get at the track at the very top of the roller coaster. It's a real "oh darn" moment. I thought about faking an injury and calling the ski patrol to pull us down on a sled, but we didn't go all the way to California to quit. So we jumped over the edge and began our decent which is really hard to describe. Carrying a scared stiff 48 pound sack of oats down the same mountain as the 1960 Olympic gold medalists is a point of pride and likely a note in the file against me at DCFS. With some help from Aunt Leannie we dragged that beautiful boy down that beautiful mountain and at the foot I collapsed and Thomas ate a bag of BBQ chips.

April 2016
April was mostly recuperation from our amazing trip, but if memory serves, Karen and I went out for tacos one night and she decided that she was going to go for the job opening at Stevenson. Karen is an outstanding teacher and we had talked about her looking for a new job conceptually before, but this was the first time it seemed like a real thing.

May 2016

Stevenson is a nationally recognized high school that features ammenities that were not available at any of my colleges. I don't have an equivalent in my profession, but let's just say that it would be like if someone from the New Yorker read this and gave me a call. I applied for like 73 jobs during my "intermission" 2 years ago. Karen applied for a single job, against a hundred applicants and of course was selected. I'm proud of her but it's irritating honestly. I'm trying to get one tomato plant going over here and she's got a damned cornucopia of vegetation in her yard. Whatever. We share bank accounts.

So she got the job and we put the house on the market. I don't have anything nice to say about the buying and selling of houses. We were very lucky selling so quickly, slightly unlucky with a hiccup in the middle but I suppose things ended the way they should have when we finally found our this house. It was incredibly stressful and I would be thrilled if we didn't have to do it again for 30 years at which point we're buying an Aerostar and living in a series of National Parks assuming such places still exist.

June 2016
More Vacations! School let out and we went down to Fort Myers Beach for OConnors in Florida Vol. 2. There was some weird kelp washup all along the beach the first day, but the weather was miraculously beautiful and warm every day. Michael and Stina rented bikes and bought Vietnamese fishing hats and rode around town torturing locals with their "music". Thomas improved his swimming and by the end of vacation was going back and forth underwater with goggles on for what seems like hours on end. Jack liked the beach for the first time ever and wore his floaty and went out to the sandbar with all the big kids. We played frisbee on the beach and got ice cream every night. In a shocking revelation, Gramma Tracye announced she doesn't like seafood or shellfish or fisherman or the American Flag. You think you know somebody...

Lastly, for posterity, I'd like to add to the ledger that my brother who is 5 years younger than me, between one half and 5 inches taller then me depending on humidity and shoe wear, has 2 less kids than me and exercises his lungs much more frequently than me, was trying to shame me in front of my boys with his underwater swimming prowess. He was bragging and boasting about his 4 underwater pool lengths and directing a number of unkind accusations at me in front of my lineage. Backed into a corner, I was forced to remind everyone within the sound of my voice that all older brothers have an internal reservoir of excellence that they save for emergency situations just like this. So I broke the glass, dipped into the reservoir and reminded him of his place with 5 complete underwater laps.

July 2016
When you have to pack up all your worldly belongings it really makes you take a long look at yourself. What is this thing? What is this box of things? What is this truck full of boxes of things? We had to put a bunch of stuff in storage so that prospective buyers wouldn't realize we were borderline hoarders. Looking at that truck, Karen and I agreed that while we couldn't bring ourselves to throw any of it out, if the truck caught on fire and exploded that would be an acceptable solution as well. Saying goodbye to that house was really tough. Two people walked into that house panicked. One of them 8 months pregnant, and the other overextended on an FHA loan. We brought Thomas home to that house. Introduced Jack to his brother at that house. We has so many firsts: First steps, first words, first full replacement of sewage line. We shared one bathroom and one small dining table and one giant backyard and we had so many wonderful times there. Jackie turned 2 and we celebrated in Springfield at the 4th of July but to be honest, we owe you a good one Jack. It was just a crazy summer. As a goodbye gift to our house, Tom learned to ride a two wheeler just a few weeks before we left. We walked out a loving foursome who will all remember Bernice with a lot of love.

August 2016
Our house was sold and our new house wasn't ready for us so we headed for Springfield and the help of all the grandparents. Karen had to stay back to start new teacher training. We really didn't have anywhere else to go, but the OConnors and the Kuchars took good care of us. We swam in the pool every day and went to the park. We went on wagon rides and jeep rides. Tom and Grandpa Kenny caught some crappie. Michael and Tom went to the fair. Tom and Will went to the fair. I got to watch a ton of Law and Order while Gramma Tracye dozed off on the couch.

We got the keys and moved in in the middle of August. Our new house is twice the size of our old house and it's already 89% filled with stuff so that's terrific. We live on Deer Trail and we saw our first deer in the backyard eating from our crab apple tree the second night. We looked at another house in the neighborhood that had some beautiful details on the inside of the hosue, but the foundation was in trouble and the backyard was non existent. I was almost successful in taking us down that path, but Karen always knew this was the house for us. It backs up to a forest preserve and I dont much like neighbors, so like always, she knows better than me. We've got a lot of projects, but that's what you get with a house from 1972. We're very happy to be here and create as many wonderful memories as we had in our old house.

September 2016
We continued to unpack, which really just means moving a box from the first floor, to the basement, to the crawlspace. What is this stuff!?!? The deer come to our yard every day. The yard is an acre so mowing takes me longer but I love it. September is the month of the Ilbawi picnic, so we took Jackie to see the man who saved his life. The line was hundreds of people long. It really does a number on you to see it.

Jack is maybe the sweetest kid I've met. He always has time for a hug or a kiss and while he's obsessively concerned about the order or tasks, he always wants you to do them with him. Most nights before bed he asks if we can play a family game or read a family book or have family time on the couch. We're all so lucky that we got him and when I think about his tussled hair and missing tooth grin and big bottom lip I realize that very deeply.

October 2016
Grandpa Kenny and I removed all the carpeting from the 2nd flood and installed new hardwood floors. It's not as bad as excavating 30 feet of cast iron pipe by hand, but it's damn close. I gave Kenny a twist cone from Dairy Queen and he repaid me with his twisted knee that tore his meniscus. It's all I think now, about when I look at these stupid floors. Kenny has already fixed more things in both of our houses than I likely will have by the time we eventually leave.

We have done a lot since we moved in and have so much more to do. We had a small detached garage built and wrote our names in the wet cement. We had the attic sealed and insulated and had to pull a Uhaul's worth of plywood out to do it. We repainted the front door and shutters and I nearly plummeted to my death hanging off the roof to fix some loose shingles. We had 3 bedrooms painted. We tore down the old mantle and whitewashed the fireplace. We've bought like 14 rugs. We're going to remodel the kitchen this summer and perhaps redo our bathroom in a couple years. We're going to install new windows on the back of the house. I've got roughly two summer's worth of landscaping ahead of me. God as my witness, we are going to get the dryer vented somewhere other than the garage. I'm a mixture of excited, nervous and prematurely exhausted just thinking about it all.

November 2016
It technically happens in October but I like to pretend that Tom and I are both November birthday boys. He turned 5 this year and I turned 34. I'm fine with the 34 but 5 is nuts to me. When we found out we were pregnant in March of 2011 we were living in the city, commuting an hour to work each way each day and saving enough money to be able to go out to eat at a new restaurant. Our biggest shared purchase was an 800 dollar couch. We lived on a street with shared free parking and walked everywhere we could. We had an upstairs neighbor that played his guitar until 2 in the morning. The biggest home repair issue we faced was a 3 day stretch where we had to deal with some fruit flies. I guess what I'm saying is we've come a long way and the transition period happened pretty quick.

Tom is doing pretty great. He does a lot of map making; we have detailed drawings of 6 continents with different colored and labeled countries from his works at school. His reading is really coming along. He learned his letters and sounds over the last year and is just now starting to read his own books. He can add and do little subtraction and the other day he explained to me how Chinese New Year works. He has a lot of thoughts about dragons. He can ride a two wheeler and color inside the lines. He likes to dust but hates hanging up his coat. He still loves Star Wars and for the moment is enjoying Paw Patrol. He loves games of all kinds. He's usually kind to his little brother and his little brother wants to do anything that Tom is doing.

 
For his birthday he got to go to Six Flags with his cousin Will. We rode every ride that they met the height requirement for and pretty much only ate and drank sugar all day long. We bought season passes so I'm hoping our roller coaster ridership increases this year.

December 2016
We made it. It was definitely the busiest year of my life. Even busier than 2011 when we had a wedding, a house purchase and a new baby in the span of six months. But I think it was all worth it. We love the new house. Karen's school is outstanding. The boys are doing well at Montessori and they'll be in a school district that should be really good for them. I got a shed.

I didn't do a great job writing down quotes this year, but are a couple good ones...

Jack: Gaggy, I don like doggies.
Me: Why not?
Jack: They eat me, Gaggy.

Me: What's your favorite Holiday?
Tom: Spring and summer. And my birthday.
Me: Do you know what a holiday is?
Tom: Wait... my favorite is Hanukkah.

I think we're all hoping for a quieter, simpler 2017, where we don't get eaten by doggies and get to enjoy a nice spring, summer, birthday and Hannukkah.